How To Prepare For A Difficult Conversation
None of us like to have a difficult conversation. Yet, we know that there will be times in life when we must address issues that are uncomfortable, sensitive, unsettling, and difficult. When engaging in a difficult conversation, it is important that we engage in the conservation so that our thoughts are organized, and intentions are clear to mitigate being misunderstood.
As you approach a difficult conversation, consider the following tips:
1. Prepare. Engaging in a difficult conversation, especially a conversation involving divorce and family matters, requires a certain level of mental preparation. Prepare for the conversation by engaging in something that “boosts self-confidence,” including physical activity, meditation, talking your therapist, spiritual engagement, or listening to an inspiring playlist. Feeling supported in the way that is unique to your needs often increases the confidence needed to actively engage and be heard during the process.
2. Organize. It is common to lose your train of thought or become silenced when confronted. Take the time to organize your topics of conversation and discussion points by writing them down so that they are readily available to you to refer to them as needed. While you may not end up using your notes, there is often a sense of security that comes with knowing that you have something to refer to help you find your words.
3. Professional Assistance. Engaging in a difficult conversation may sometimes require professional assistance to help facilitate a productive dialogue. Working with a Mediator is a great way to address issues between you and the other person. Mediation, the confidential dispute resolution process where the participants control the outcome, allows participants to be heard in a way that can have a lasting impact on yourself and your family. The process is specifically designed to bring out each participant’s needs and interests to foster a problem-solving environment rather than the positional environment of contested litigation. It is the opportunity to engage in a difficult conversation, facilitated by the Mediator, as a way of resolving all types of matters including divorce, parenting schedule, custody, financial support, college contribution, and property division. The most impactful mediations, even if a full resolution is not reached, has provided the opportunity for each participant to be heard in a way that they have not otherwise been able to do for a while.
4. Skill Exercises. Being “heard” does not mean being “loud” but finding your voice so that you can communicate. There is a difference. Before engaging in a difficult conversation, especially on an emotional topic, review your discussion points and practice them aloud so that you feel more comfortable during the discussion. Similarly, practice your “active listening” skills by listening to an entire TV Commercial without doing anything else (e.g., looking at your phone, exercising, cooking) and then identifying 3-5 things that “stuck with you” from the commercial. It’s harder than you think! Active listening is a key component to engaging in a difficult conversation because it helps you to not just hear what the other person is saying but to comprehend the message.
Difficult conversations are a reality in our personal and professional lives. It is important to know how to engage in a productive conversation in a way that allows you to give voice to the matters important to you while actively participating in a way that fosters a resolution.
